Florida: A New Chapter October 19 2017

I can hardly believe it, but here I am!

We arrived in Florida a week ago. It all still feels like vacation. Despite selling just about everything we own and loading up what was left into our two cars. I hope we don't have to make that drive again for a while, whew! 

I have been enjoying whatever this time and space brings me. I'm keeping an open-mind about it all as we wait to get fully settled. I have been using my (way too much) free time to soak up the sun, work on my online business, explore Lehigh/Fort Myers, and cherish this extra time I'm able to spend with my husband, pup, and in-laws. I am feeling a little anxious to get back to one-on-one training and teaching group fitness. It feels like a lot of time has passed already! 

I am taking time to work on my own body positivity / self confidence. I bought new swimwear and I keep thinking how much I'm rocking it. I am LOVING on my tummy lately, which is a delightful surprise because I have often felt this is the area 'I need work on'.  Bring on the high-waist shorts and crop tops! I think it takes time to really dive into such positive feelings sometimes, depending on where we are originally coming from and our current head-space.

Although I have had a lot of extra time, I have spent very little time exercising. I'm purposefully stepping back and putting more focus on the activities that move my body that I super dig. So, I've been swimming and doing some water aerobics everyday for the last week. It's been pleasant and I haven't been creating pressure to feel as if I have to get something crossed off a to do list. 

Carry on with confidence. 

Coming Soon: Kickin' Asphalt! June 08 2017

Howdy! It's been a while. I'm really bad at creating posts on a consistent basis. But that's okay! I'm going to keep trying and update with new information, research, or ramblings when I can (remember). :)

So, what's been going on?

I'm working really hard on getting my online 5k training program for beginners (called Kickin' Asphalt) up and going! I've been wanting to lead a running program for about 4 years now, but I kept back-burning it. Mostly because my availability clashed too much to make for reasonable training schedule. But!!! Now that I've been doing online training, I've been able to take everything online so that you can train with my guidance, but at whatever time is most convenient for you (and me!). I'm so thrilled to finally launch. 

I have two 5k races that I've been eyeing to line up with the training program so that we can complete a race together. How exciting is that?! So keep your eyes peeled for further information. I'll be opening up registration for the first 5k within the next 1.5-2 weeks. Drop me a line (erinannefitzgerald@gmail.com) if you're interested and I'll be sure to contact you right away once I officially launch Kickin' Asphalt. 

You are a personal trainer? May 14 2017

For those who have known me for a decade or two may have some insight about me. Although, I can be a bit of a closed book, so perhaps you really don't know. Regardless, I want to discuss a bit about how I've identified myself for the majority of my life and how that intertwines with my occupation. 

In 2006/2007, I had finally put together that I *clearly* had issues with food. I think a coping mechanism up until this point was just brushing off the fact that food is an answer to many of my problems. I was a chunky kid. I would eat anything and I used food not to provide fuel or nourishment, but often to feed my emotions. By the end of 2007, I was engaging in binge/purge habits and I was struggling with emotional/mental issues of disordered eating, self-love/acceptance, etc. 

In early 2008 was the beginning of "my weight loss journey". I think this experience was one of the hardest things I've ever had to sort through emotionally. It was very challenging for me to deal with people providing unsolicited advice, feedback, comments, criticism, etc. Especially as I started to identify as a 'skinny person' for the first time in my life. I am grateful that this experience led me to working in the fitness industry, but some aspects certainly messed with my head. My words of advice if you know someone going through body composition changes: ask how they are and be super mindful of word choice. Gaining/losing weight can be hard. I wish I had the courage to tell people that hurt my feelings that they way they talked to me was painful and damaging.

In 2009 I enrolled at ISU. I was overly thrilled to know what area I wanted to study and get into an industry to help others. I was definitely still working on understanding who I was (becoming) at the time. In fact, by my 2nd semester at university I sought out a counselor to help me work through some of my issues. This was the best decision ever and I think everyone could benefit from a trained professional to work through any issues they may have. In working with my counselor, it was really hard to come to terms with my eating disorder. I worked really hard on building up my self-esteem. To appreciate my food as a source of nourishment instead of dreading making meals or being obsessive about calorie / macro intake. The hardest part? Admitting to myself and loved ones that I was bulimic. Labels are hard. They're hard to process. And I have an intense fear of being judged. Were my family and friends now judging me based on this new label? These discussions create(d) a lot of anxiety and feelings of overwhelm. 

I still work on these issues. And working in the fitness industry has brought on other labels, too. I almost always dread telling people that I'm a fitness professional / instructor / personal trainer. Why? Because most times than not, I get what I call the 'up and down'. A lot of people, probably many without realizing it, look at me from head to toe to judge if my body represents what a personal trainer should look like. I think we all know what box society wants to put fitness professionals in in terms of physical appearance. But my body doesn't represent my knowledge and experiences in the workforce. I have to remind myself that I am making a positive impact on my client's lives and I am doing a great job even while I feel I'm a work in progress. 

I stepped on the scale for the first time today in ... months ... a year? I don't even know. I weight 180 pounds. At my lowest, I weighed 130. It's super hard to not let these numbers upset me, anger me, get the best of me, define me, etc. But you know what? Regardless of the scale, this body that I have right now has done AMAZING things. Things that I couldn't have done when I weighed less. I know that fitness has many looks. I know that this body of mine today is very fit, healthy, and I should be proud of it! But sometimes I need to remind myself of this. 

I am hoping to just keep moving forward. To listen to my body. To provide fuel when my body/soul needs to be nourished. To enjoy movement because it makes me feel good, strong, fast, powerful, and inspiring. To be mindful of how I eat. To allow myself to indulge and feel okay. To be forgiving when I overindulge. To not become obsessive about food. To continue to love myself when the world feels overwhelming or when my inner voice is saying cruel things. To embrace my feelings and know that I will be okay. To be able to discuss my insecurities without fear of judgment. To understand that people who are judgmental are not allowed to take up space in my mind or heart. 

I am not alone;
you are not alone.
We are more than labels.
We are worthy of love, acceptance, respect, etc. 
And when life feels really hard or overwhelming, it will be okay. <3

I AM a personal trainer. And I'm damned good at what I do, not matter what my body looks like. 

Driving Stick Shift April 14 2017

Last weekend my hubby and I wanted to get out and enjoy the nice weather. We started just driving around town, windows down, enjoying the sunshine! My husband thought what a perfect opportunity for me to (FINALLY) learn how to drive his car -- a manual! So we decide to go to an empty parking lot. Our old high school was the perfect place for the weekend since it's on the edge of town and nothing was going on at the school. 

So, we get to the parking lot and switch seats. And my husband starts giving me the low down on how to operate this machinery. I did pretty good! This was my second attempt to drive a stick shift, but the first time was roughly 12 years ago, so I needed to learn from scratch. I was super nervous and as a visual learner, getting all auditory cues on how to make all the nuts and bolts work felt a little overwhelming. I killed the engine once and my husband said it "wasn't even that bad", so I'm pretty happy with the outcome. We never left the parking lot, so that kept my confidence high! :D

Afterwards, I began thinking about how my learning to drive is comparable to those who are new to the exercise scene. I was a novice exerciser once, too, but I've been in the fitness field for so long that I forget that it feels like to be the new person in a group class or self-conscious in the weight room when surrounded by advanced exercisers. Learning to drive stick was a good reminder about being a beginner in learning movement patterns. Even though my movement patterns were to operate a vehicle, it still translates to movement patterns with the goal of performing exercises correctly and safely. So hats off to those of you who show up time and time again to nail your movements down for the purpose of improving your [insert fitness goal here], even when it feels hard or uncomfortable or whatever obstacles you're facing. Keep driving forward, you got this! 

Sunday: Run Day! February 19 2017

I'm not much a blogger, but I've been wanting to change that. And what better time than the present, right?! Here goes . . . 

I enjoy running. To me, running is a challenge -- especially long distances. I find a great reward in being able to accomplish running challenges/obstacles/goals that I set for myself. In the last year or so, I've cranked up my mileage to include the half marathon distance. It's a big deal to me. It takes planning and commitment. Each run builds on the next. It's been a delightful way to challenge myself. In 2016, I completed 3 half marathons. Woohoo! Today, I want to talk about a different sort of challenge that I accomplished. Today I did something. I dared to overcome this obstacle; and I did it!

Back story: Last summer, I set out to accomplish a different sort of running . . . goal? I was inspired by another runner/writer/blogger gal to run in a sports bra. To be a part of what she calls the #SportsBraSquad. Now, I never ended up doing this. Why? I just couldn't get over the fact that there would be people looking at me, judging me, watching my body jiggle as I run, etc, etc. Sure, I'm athletic. Sure, my body can do some amazing things. I've also learned that insecurity happens to people of ALL sizes and I've experienced and continue to work on my own insecurities (body image and otherwise). Over the years, I've learned to appreciate my body. To love what it's capable of. To be proud of it. However, I still manage(d) to draw lines that kept me from doing some things because I feared how other people would view me. 

Today . . . I took a step forward. This wasn't easy. Nope. I put on my running clothes around 11 a.m. or so. I geared up! I'm ready to go! I decided to wear a crop top and running tights. Mind you, the crop top IS active wear. It's meant to be worn while engaging in sweaty, fun activities. I put it on, grabbed my phone and running belt. Suited up. Laces are tied. But wait . . . *looks in the mirror* . . . I do still kinda care what people think. I went back and forth with this notion that my belly shouldn't be seen while I'm exercising. No one wants to see my jiggly, rollin' belly while I'm out on a run. But then I thought: JUST DO IT. Just go for your run and who cares what people think. This inner bickering went on for about an hour. I delayed my run by doing some warm up moves and stretches and returning to my mirror to fully take in what others will see while I get my training run in. But I finally settled on just going. Just run. Be free. Who cares!?

I did it! I put in four miles of asphalt kicking. And you know what? No. one. cared. It's an unusually gorgeous day for the middle of February. The sun is shining and I decided to dress for the weather. I could feel the breeze hitting my arms, legs, face, and stomach. It felt great. And sure, I did feel a bit uneasy and tugged on my shirt here and there. But I also felt empowered. I've been struggling with my half training lately. Today I had a solid groove/pace and everything felt good. 

I think the take-home isn't necessarily wearing a crop top for every run that I embark, but rather what that crop top represents to me. Many of my clients, especially when we initially start to work together, tell me that they feel uncomfortable working out in front of others and I'm grateful that I took an opportunity to experience some empathy. I did something today. And I want to keep doing things to build up that self-confidence and be proud of what my body can do, what it looks like, and not give two poops about any one else's opinion. Here's to warmer weather and working towards that #SportsBraSquad status. Just like running, some things take one step at a time. 

March Newsletter March 21 2014

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My Illinois State University intern put together a newsletter with a few of the latest topics in health and exercise. It's important to understand the connection between your health and how exercise (or lack thereof) can effect you!

New Adventures March 02 2014

I have been working hard on creating more of a presence in the online world recently. I've finally put together a Facebook business page (www.facebook.com/ErinFitzgeraldPersonalTrainer). I still need to do some more work with a YouTube channel, Google+ page, etc. I feel like there's a lot to be accomplished still! As soon as all of these things come together, I'll be able to focus more on what I want to be doing - training!

I'm excited to create some video content. Whether that be exercises or program examples, tips, or just updating my latest adventures!

Things are really coming together and going in a direction that I'm truly enthusiastic about! Here's to the next chapter ... may it bring good health!